When Not to Ask For Advice

Golden Rule: Don’t ask people what they want if the decision has been made

I guess this seems like common sense in hindsight, but the impacts that I've witnessed for ignoring this rule have been significant impacts on any team or individual involved. This year, I've been on both sides of this mistake, and in both cases, the results were not pretty. 

What I am talking about is the scenario where decisions are predetermined regardless of the wishes and desires of an individual or team. This might be for any number of reasons. It might be that process is changing to accommodate interactions with other groups, new tools are being adopted, a management or organisational change might be happening, a new idea is being discussed, or maybe we're just asking someone if they “want” to do something. Whatever it is, if you give people even a “hint” that they have a say, then that comes with an implied level of responsibility for you to respect their recommendation, whatever it is (within reason). I'm sure this would be compounded over time if the team is used to being run by committee and they somehow get the impression that the decision is optional.

The concept of not asking if the decision is predetermined is not all that different to dealing with kids. While kids aren't technical experts, they do have thoughts and opinions of their own. If you ask a child what they want to wear to the shops, most parents will know that they are in store for a super-hero costume or fairy costume or the like. Going back from that is like trying to un-break an egg, and equally as messy. If instead you suggest they can wear the red dress or the blue shirt, in most cases you'll get one of the two options. If you need them to wear the red dress, then just tell them that they need to wear the red dress that day and be done with it.

For technical people such as in Software Development, one of the key things that people value is respect. People like to feel like they are the expert in their field, that they are the “go to guy” (or girl), that their ideas are valuable. In general, that their opinions, recommendations and advice is treated with the respect that their expertise deserves.

Depending on how it's delivered, asking a technical person their opinion can imply that you are not only interested in their opinion, but you are prepared to make a decision based on their expert advice. If that is not the case up front, then just don't ask. That might seem harsh on the surface, but really, it's not. There are many things that people are just fine to go along with if that is what is required by the company, even if they don't agree with it. Most people realise that being in employment means they are there to serve the needs of the organisation even if it's not what they “want” to do. 

When we seek someone's opinion in the situation where a specific outcome is required, there are really only two outcomes; they either come up with the option that matches the desired outcome, or they don't. It's awesome in the first case as now they feel like they have control of what is happening (be careful not to let that bite you later if you get caught), but if they don't come up with the option that you need, well, you've created a problem for yourself. You can take their recommendation into account and change the desired outcome which might not be an option, or you disregard the advice and show that you are deliberately disrespecting their recommendation. For any professional person, that's hard to swallow.

Even though a decision may have been made, the team or individuals impacted may need to be consulted to work through any challenges and issues that might arise. If you aren't the only one directly communicating the decision, it's important to be very clear with them that the decision has been made and what is needed is to to work on the details of what needs to be done in order to implement the decision. If they aren't totally clear (because you gave them the impression that the options were still in negotiation), there is a good chance that that will come through in how they deliver the message. As I said before, even the hint that a decision is not  final, is where the problem creeps in.

Summary

Another way to put this is that the use of a collaborative style of leadership when a more directive or even an autocratic style is required, can really backfire.